Cancer Survivor Q&A | The Best Way To Support Someone Who Has Been Diagnosed With Cancer
SURVIVEiT®’s Survivor Advisory Council & Committee is made up of cancer survivors who have travelled the path and understand the journey in a way others cannot. Their wisdom is what makes SURVIVEiT® unique.
Question
What is the best way to support someone (and their family) who has just been diagnosed with cancer?
Each member of the Survivor Advisory Council & Committee provided advice based on their unique experience.
Answers
First and foremost: Listen. They have just received a shock and need time to process. Be prepared to answer questions and/or give references to where they can find answers to their questions. Offer hope in the best ways you know how without giving false hope.
Acknowledge their diagnosis. It’s true, most people don’t know what to say when someone is actively experiencing a trauma. By default, we tend to ignore it in an effort to “not remind” the individual of the devastation. I can’t tell you how many people ignored what I was going through. The slightest acknowledgment and encouragement went a long, long way.
Be there for them and let them be there for you if they have the capacity. Try to avoid making your interaction all about their cancer.
Be there to listen to their struggles and concerns and offer them hope, compassion and understanding, as well as empower them to take control of their own health.
Listen and follow their wishes. As much as my mom and I sometimes disagree I always trust that she knows what’s best for herself at the time.
Listen. Most people are overwhelmed when getting this type of news, and they may just need to have someone talk to.
Suggest the patient/caregiver review the SURVIVEiT® website for information, resources, and inspiring survivor stories.
Listen to them. Validate them. Feed them. (Like, literally, with food.) Bring them or send them fun little gifts. Try not to compare your experience with theirs, unless they are truly comparable experiences. (I can’t tell you the number of women who compared my experience of chemo to their pregnancies. Please don’t do that.) Don’t unload your worries on them–they are carrying enough worry on their own. I found this article on “Ring Theory” to be an extremely helpful guide for what to do and say when someone in your life is ill.
BE PRESENT. That’s #1 and most important.
There will be financial overwhelming, overwhelming feelings both physical and emotional. There were people who helped with those and they were life-savers in their own ways. For me, the best gifts were the ones of presence. The people who could make the phone call or the drive over.
Listen first. Every patient is different so it’s important to figure out what that individual patient’s, and family’s, needs are; what they want to know/hear and how involved they want to be in their treatment. Try not to give medical advice, rather simply advise the patient/family and provide appropriate information and resources. Be hopeful!
Ask gentle, open questions – let them be the guide as to how much they want to proffer. Based on their feedback, you can offer resources, connections, or advice. Initially, just be there and listen and hug. Let them know your situation so they realize they’re not alone. That is huge. Telling people I am Stage IV when I look and live a normal life typically gives them tremendous hope.
Listen. Help with information when asked for. Answering questions specifically while avoiding telling long horror/bravery stories. Point them to SURVIVEiT®.
What Should You Do After A Cancer Diagnosis?
SURVIVEiT®’S Survivor and Medical Advisory Councils have created a Start Here Guide resource for anyone who has just been diagnosed with cancer. This resource can guide you towards two actionable steps you can take, and what the path towards selecting the best treatment strategy might look like for your unique cancer.
